First Day of School

Wednesday was Luke's first day of Kindergarten. The first day parents go with and the kids only stay for about 30 minutes, so no big deal. But then Thursday comes. I'm feeling a little nervous but think I can make it through okay. We park and get out of the car and start walking towards the kindergarten play area and his little grip on my hand gets tighter and tighter the closer we get and by the time we are to the gate at the entrance he's tugging me the other direction with a look of sheer terror in his eyes. I keep telling him I'll go with him to his door and stay until the bell rings but he's not budging. I finally have to literally drag him through the gate. He realizes nobody's going to attack him and decides he'll slowly come along. We set his backpack down in the line of backpacks in front of the door to his class and he tentatively steps towards the playground. Then the bell rings. All of the kids line up at the door, Luke is at least 6 inches shorter than anyone else and just looks so tiny and vulnerable. The teacher comes out and tells them to come inside. They follow her in and I want to go too, I know I can't, but I want to. The door closes and I think, whew I made it. But then before I can get away, a lady from my ward walks by and says "Hey, how are you," seemingly harmless, I know, but as I open my mouth to say "fine" what comes out is a high-pitched "okay" and then the tears start to fall. By the time I get to the van, with what seems like hundreds of compassionate stares following me, I'm sobbing. It's so hard to let go a little bit when I've been the one solely taking care of him for so long. It feels sad that that stage of life is over and this new one is beginning where there are so many other influences on him. I can only pray I've prepared him and can be in tune to what he needs to succeed. Mostly I miss him. And it's only a half-day! Just imagine me when he starts 1st grade.