What Did I Get Myself Into?

Last night Misty took me to the gym to go swimming and teach me how to do a real stroke. Ooooooh my. Let's start at the beginning. First of all, I am positive I would work out more if I had a membership to a place like that. HOLY COW, talk about nice. It's the nicest gym I've ever seen. 3 pools (at least, I didn't notice how many are outside), 2 gigantic spas, a full restaurant, a Bumble & bumble salon, super heaven dressing/shower rooms (I walked into the men's locker room on accident, more on that later), not to mention the fitness equipment I didn't even see. It was so nice. I was totally flabbergasted.

So Misty gets there and we go into the family locker room because there are separate showers and changing rooms there. Of course men are in their with their families, so I'm super uncomfortable taking off my clothes, even with my swimsuit on because, well, I had a baby 9 months ago and started exercising like 3 weeks ago...but also Ellen has all of my newest swimming suits for her Hawaii trip so I was wearing a pre-marriage tankini. You get my drift. Also, every woman in there has had plastic surgery, I'm convinced of it. Because you just don't look like Pamela Anderson after having 3 or 4 kids without having a little work done.

So I'm trying to keep the super tiny towel around me while trying to get a swim cap on....which is next to impossible with how much hair I have. So Misty's putting her cute one on and I'm trying to hold my towel and get mine on, and my towel falls to the ground as my swim cap slowly pops off my head, and I'm trying to catch my towel and my cap....Misty and I are in hysterics. Would have been much less embarrassing if it wasn't Misty (you know, 'cause she's so cute) and there weren't so many men/model women inside. I finally get it on and we burst out laughing again because it's see-through. The cap I mean. And it looks so weird. Anyway, we head out to the pool. Misty proceeds to teach me the basic stroke, breathing technique, etc. I'm TERRIBLE. I know in my head all the things to do but can't seem to do them all at the same time.

• Can't keep my body horizontal.
• Can't stop lifting my head completely out of the water to breathe instead of just turning it to the side. As I lift my head out of the water, my horizontal body becomes vertical and I'm basically doing a glorified doggy paddle.
• Can't get my stroke right.
• Can't keep my head down low enough in the water because I'm afraid I won't get it back up in time to breathe.
• Can't keep my eyes open, even though I'm wearing goggles.
• Can't go more than 3 or 4 strokes without stopping for a break and gasping for air.
• Can't get the rhythm of it down: right left, breathe, right left, breathe, right left, breathe, doesn't sound too hard, but I swear it's impossible.

After about 2 hours Misty was ready to go so she taught me the basic backstroke, which she did for the whole triathlon swim last year and it only took about 22 minutes...I'm pretty sure I got that down pretty quick. So she left and I practiced a bit more and decided to leave too. I knew we hadn't changed in the women's locker room, so I just went into the locker room right next to the womens assuming it was the family one. I could smell cologne, but didn't think much of it until I saw a man showering (in his swimming suit). WHOOPS! Wrong locker room. I turned around and started walking out as a worker started coming in. I go "Is this the men's?!" and he bursts out laughing and said yes. OH man. I obviously do not belong in gyms.

So I shower real quick and head home. And this morning, I can barely move. I never knew swimming was so hard, but I should have guessed from seeing pictures of this guy.

I have been running every night too, doing a beginners running schedule (first week run one minute, walk one minute, second week run 2 minutes, walk one minute, etc.). So the other night I did a one mile run (running the whole time, no walking) to get my mile time and couldn't quite make it the full mile because of the excruciating pain in my side, and it took 10 minutes 30 seconds. Yikes. This thing is going to take me hours. I've ridden Misty's bike twice. Once with no problems, the second time with a completely flat tire that I didn't notice for about a mile...so we put a new tube in yesterday and I'll probably go biking tonight, if I can move my legs by then.

The Larson Cup is on July 14th. I seriously think I might die during it, so if I do, will someone take care of my kids? Thanks.