Larson Cup 2008

Larson Cup 2008 Report (July 11-12)

Gather round friends and listen to the amazing story of the little Larsons that could! As many of you know, the 2008 Larson Cup is in the books, and it represented the toughest competition to date—possibly the most outstanding showing of grit and sportsmanship known to man. We gathered early at Anthony’s humble mansion. The hospitality turned even the most hardened, anti-dentites to warm feelings of love for Anthony and Barb. It was possibly the pinnacle of pasta pig-outs.

As you can see, we had Larry & Arlene (well, you’d be able to see Arlene if she hadn’t gotten lost deep in Anthony’s 100-acre wood), Dan & Donna, Ryan and Diane, Misty and me, Gordon, and various little ones. I had just finished my two trainings the same week, so you can imagine I had worked up quite an appetite. I piled pasta plates preposterously high in front of myself. Misty was a good eater too. We followed up the spaghetti by roasting chestnuts (and marshmallows) on an open fire. The fire also came in handy for smoke signals, Diane smoked-out an “I own you” message to Misty (she meant in the swim I’m sure). After dinner and marshmallows, we had strawberry cake. Uncle Dan asked Anthony for a cleaning after we finished eating. It was awkward (I suspect because Anthony usually leaves that up to a competent hygienist), but my, what nice teeth Uncle Dan has. We parted ways, with Diane’s family staying with Uncle Dan, and our family staying with Anthony.

Saturday morning I was feeling confident…until I stepped foot outside. You see, Anthony’s estate is up in the (very) cool high mountains. As we loaded up the cars, many were cold, but few were frozen.

We arrived at the Logan Aquatic Center with plenty of time to participate in Anthony’s victory prayer, although it appears that Diane has turned quite evil, she refused to both close her eyes AND bow her head. I sensed a little apostasy in the air when I was near her. I’m glad to be married to a happy pray-er. You can see from Anthony’s physique that he also makes this event a matter of much fasting, in addition to his victory prayers [note to self: add victory prayers to next year’s training regimen]. If only he had asked that I run with the speed of the puma like my missionary companions used to do…anywho, it was nice that the girls color-coordinated their swimming suits (PLEASE don’t forget cover-ups next year! Those two cover-ups are an embarrassment).

As you may recall, we asked everyone to report an 11:00 swim time so that we’d all start close together this year, and it worked nicely. I was first, followed directly by Misty and then Diane. Anthony somehow found a way to crack the internet code and enter a swim time of 11:40 (when the website was limited to 1-minute intervals!) and started a little after Diane. I was feeling confident about my chances of winning the Larson Cup this year…I only had to beat….uh, no one. But I would have to finish (and finish I would)! We all remember that Anthony doesn’t count until he starts playing fair and agrees to attach a 45-lb boulder to his mid-section for the event. We do still name the title belts after him.

I always figured pool-walks were just as legitimate as pool swims, and when we assembled to listen to the pre-race pep-talk, OH HAPPY DAY—the organizer expressly stated that walking through the pool was just as good as swimming and completely within the rules. Ask anyone. I heard it. It was sad not to have Aunt Donna jump the swim-gun by 40 minutes this year. They stagger-started us, and I began 15 seconds ahead of Misty, 30 seconds ahead of Diane, and probably a couple of minutes ahead of Anthony. I took off and I felt GOOD for those first 8-12 meters! That’s when Diane got by me. I knew what I had to do. Water-walk. Sure, Diane would put a little distance between us at the deep end, but I walked right up to her through the shallows. In fact, as we hit the ½ way point, Diane was parched, and, conveniently, she had easy access about 800,000 gallons of water. So she took a big drink. I passed her back up! And I stayed ahead of her with my superior swim-walk technique for the next couple of hundred meters. You can see me standing and waving above. You just can’t beat a fast pool-walker.

Well, at least you can BARELY beat a fast pool-walker. Diane managed to get by me on the final 50m.

Everyone knows I had knee surgery less than 2 weeks before the Larson Cup, and so I was a little worried about my run at the end. I thought initially I’d wait after the swim for Misty and we’d ride together. But the more I got to thinking about it, the more worried I got, and so I decided I couldn’t wait any longer and I hopped on my bike and took off. But my transition time was very slow (not as slow as Diane, who decided to set up afternoon tea before she got started). I felt spry on that bike. All was well until the dead animals on the road kept trying to get run-over (again) by me. Stinky. I reached the turn-around 6.25 miles out, and no one (not even the mighty Anthony) had passed me! I saw Anthony coming though. At mile 7.5, Anthony weaseled by. I somehow forgot my bat-hook, I was going to grapple on to his bike and coast on in behind him. I saw Misty and Diane motoring down the road some time later. Diane followed Misty’s mistake this year and rode a mountain bike, and that doesn’t make for fast biking times (but it does make it easier to ride over the dead animals).

When I reached bike/run transition, I pulled on a knee brace. My right leg must be quite a bit buffer than it was 3 years ago when I got the brace, because it was TIGHT. I ran for 100-200 yards like a man with a fused knee! I couldn’t bend it the brace was so tight—I had to swing it around in a circular motion. It looked graceful, but it also cut off my circulation. I stopped to take it off. I was working harder than a 1-legged man in a butt-kicking contest! Needless to say, it took some time to take off my shoe and knee brace, and then put the show back on; probably about 15 minutes or so (the time margin between Anthony and me). I got back on the road, but I was running slower through the air than I had through the water. The air was thick. I saw Anthony puking (again) and running back already (note to Anthony: invoke the anti-nausea gods next year). At the 1.5 mile turn-around, I got a little misty as I saw Misty (hot on my tail). I couldn’t hold her off. She caught me at the 2 mile mark. I reached down deep and in an effort to stay with her. It wasn’t quite enough, so I had to use my secret weapon. I switched my iPod to the Hannah Montana chapter and blasted “Best of Both Worlds.” You know that did it. I reminded myself of Tiger. Both with serious knee issues. Both proven winners. Both willing to risk life, limb, and permanent injury for the glory of another championship. So I ran on—with a tear in my eye and a “Let’s go, GNO” in my step. The finish line came into view. Misty challenged me to a sprint home. I began to sprint, leaving Misty in the dust, when the thought came (probably as a result of Anthony’s victory prayer) “what would Miley Cyrus do?” I slowed down mercifully as Misty passed by. Anthony and the others were at the finish line looking for me (because I had started the run first), and when I came into view he said “there’s Delos…and who’s that blowing right by him…THAT’S MISTY!” So not only had Misty made up the 15 second stagger, she got to the finish line before me too.

As we came into the finish, Diane was heading out on the run. Undoubtedly she had 14 flat tires along the bike route.

As for me, no unhallowed hand could stop me from progressing. Persecutions raged, mobs combined, armies assembled, and calumny defamed, but I went on boldly, nobly, and independent until I had finally, after 4 tries (Anthony and I are the only 4-time participants), WON THE LARSON CUP (by the way, Misty won the women’s division and knocked 17 minutes off of last year’s time).

Misty’s effort reminded me of my Ironman finishing time earlier this year.

Sadly, Misty and I had to leave promptly after finishing because Austin had a baseball game back in SLC at noon. But I know Diane finished strong, and was within 3 minutes of Aunt Donna’s time last year!

So it was a great time once again, although a paltry 4 participants was disappointing after 17 last year. Let’s do a little better next year as I attempt to become the first 2-time winner!

Delos